While at a visitation, I was speaking with an aquaintance from a neighboring town. She told me that her husband doesn't 'do funerals'.
I was interested to know why someone would choose not to 'do funerals'. What is the reason? So I asked.
Her explanation was that he thinks they are sad and he doesn't want to cry. This surprised me as the man we were talking about was in his fifties. And the deceased was in his late 80's (not that it isn't sad that he died).
Hearing this, I began to try to find the reasoning of why someone would not want to share their condolences to a family who just lost a loved one. Funerals are sad...death is sad...there is no getting around it. To hide it or not 'do it' doesn't make it go away. And it certainly does not do anyone any good not to have a service just because you don't want them to be sad. We are humans and we have emotions. When someone dies we are suppose to be sad. We grieve. If we deny ourselves that, we will struggle with it for years.
Almost every family comments on how wonderful it was that so many people showed up to give their condolences to them and to share a story or two. They tell us how good it makes them feel knowing how many lives their loved one touched.
Death is not easy and sometimes the grieving is even harder. Showing up to 'do funerals' is the best gift you can give a family no matter how hard it may be on you.
So in short...go to visitations and funerals!!! Stand in line, sign the book, talk with others and share stories with the family. You may find that the emotion you will have may very well be sadness followed by laughter. The family will appreciate your presense and will cherish your stories. You may even be happy that you went and may change to a person that 'DOES' funerals.
Here is a link to an article that may help you out: Should you attend the funeral
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